Life and Love and Why
Switchfoot – 1997
I’ve failed a bit. But it’s certainly not going to deter my efforts on this blog. I know I had wanted to do an album a day, and although it is possible, I forget that part of writing comes from inspiration. With that said, I am not giving up. I’ve got plenty of albums left and plenty of things to recall.
Switchfoot is one of my all time favorite bands. When I discovered them in a Christian bookstore back in the early 2000’s I knew they had something special. This was back in the day when you could scan a barcode to preview the album at one of those kiosks. That was revolutionary. There are some songs on this album that are AWFUL. But there is the song “Home” that got me through a pretty rough flight home from a trip to Costa Rica. At that time of my life I was still waging war with my sexuality and was on a trip home with a group from my College ministry. Those could be considered the closet ages. The line in that song goes “It’s a long way from Miami to LA, a longer way from yesterday to where I am today, it’s a long way from my foster home I’ll say, it’s a long long way from paradise to where I am today.” Wait a second. Wow, I just had to look at the album insert to confirm the last line and I am so dumb. Wow. That foster home line isn’t right and that’s the line that made me love this song. No bother. The line actually goes, “It’s a long way from my thoughts to what I’ll say” which also is just as powerful now that I am marinating on it. I was in foster care when I was 10 years old. It was terrible. At first I lived in an orphanage of sorts. My little brother and my older sister were there as well but I rarely got to see them. When we got placed in foster homes they were placed together because it was hard to find a home that could take three kids. The social worker told me that I was stronger than my siblings. I’m not sure if that was true. My foster home was a few blocks from my house. Audrey used to say that if I tried to go home I would be sent far away from them and it would take even longer for my parents to get me back. Thinking about it now I am realizing that I still see that time of my life from my perspective as a 4th grader. Maybe she wasn’t threatening me out of spite, although she really was a horrible woman. I was there for July 4th and I got a terrible migraine headache. I didn’t know at the time what exactly it was but I was throwing up and in absolute misery. So we all pile into the truck, myself and Harlen in the bed. Harlen was another foster kid who had been with them for a very long time and was now on overnight privileges with his mother. So we drive down Collins, passed Lincoln street where I grew up and down to the end of the road to Angel Stadium to see the fireworks. I threw up outside the truck and Audrey kept yelling at me saying that she was going to restrict my diet and that I was ruining the fireworks for Harlen. Thankfully my grandma came through in August and bought beds so that we could go back home to live with our parents. I went home on August 22, 1991–my birthday. It was spent at the welfare office getting foodstamps but it didn’t matter. We went home after that and just sat on the new carpet in the living room together. We didn’t turn on the tv or anything. That’s the only time I can remember in that house when we were all there in the same room without the television on. It’s one of my most cherished memories. Yeah…I don’t really like thinking about those days. But my avoidance has created this emotional paralysis. I’d like to say I’m working on it, but that wouldn’t be true. I’m getting all teary, maybe this is the first step. See, album inserts are actually worth something. I have many more Switchfoot albums to review and each one has left a very unique impression on my life. I’m not going to allow any more than a few days go by each post.
Going Under
Evanescence –2003
I’ve been listening to this album for the past 2 days. I thought I would be doing an album a day but I decided that I don’t really have enough albums to cover 365 days. This way I can take my time and actually find meaning in the music. You can’t just force it you know. Evanescence kind of is following in the Christian album theme but I don’t exactly consider them to be a Christian artist. I don’t even know what there is to say about them. I remember the music video featuring the lead singer from 12 Stones (another Christian band). Stemming from my last blog, I really think this is a good example of an album with inspirational themes that are not overtly religious. I’ve made it clear how I feel about that. The more I venture down this road of self dependency the better I feel. Today I had to get my car fixed and was ultra scared that it was going to be horrendously costly. The Alan of a few weeks ago would have been saying mini thought prayers asking God to ensure that my car didn’t break down or that the repair costs would not be unbearable. Today, with my car in the shop, I found myself for the first time realizing that I have better chances and results from depending on my own efforts that “sending them up” to a God who would get my wrath if things didn’t go my way or get my praise if they did. Though even my praise would not be enough to make up for those times when he didn’t come through. More on that as we move forward in this blog.
Right now Clueless is playing in the background and it has me thinking about death. It’s crazy to think that this movie was made 15 years ago and miss Brittany Murphy had no idea when she was filming that scene on the bench describing what it’s like right before you die that she would herself die in 15 years. It’s crazy. On a lighter note, does anyone remember Judy’s and Contempo Casual? Lol. I am not even a girl and I do. The quotes are amazing and timeless. One thing I have to mention though, is the fact that if you go back and watch the classroom scenes you will notice that all of the extras look like they’re 40+. It’s crazy. It actually has inspired me to write a movie. It’s gonna be pretty funny. Look for it in 2014. I have other projects that will be out before then. I will keep you posted.
In conclusion here is what Cher had to say about Haiti in her debate class: So like, right now for example. The Haitians need to come to America. But some people are all, “What about the strain on our resources?” Well it’s like when I had this garden party for my father’s birthday, right? I put R.S.V.P. ’cause it was a sit-down dinner. But some people came that like did not R.S.V.P. I was like totally buggin’. I had to haul ass to the kitchen, redistribute the food, and squish in extra place settings. But by the end of the day it was, like, the more the merrier. And so if the government could just get to the kitchen, rearrange some things, we could certainly party with the Haitians. And in conclusion may I please remind you it does not say R.S.V.P. on the Statue of Liberty. Thank you very much.
Sea of Faces
Kutless –2004
I know this blog is about the music in my Caselogic but it can also be about music on tv. I watched American Idol tonight. On second thought, maybe by mentioning it I am still being loyal to my purpose here. A few things from tonights episode that have nothing to do with the music. First off, how annoying is the intro, just before Seacrest says, “this is American Idol,” where they have the audition-goers say “no, I’m the next American Idol.” Ugh, It just makes me sick. Also, what’s the deal with bringing back the most annoying guest judge in the world, Victoria Beckham? Lame. They might as well have brought that Jonas brother back, at least he was somewhat decent to look at. And finally, and then I will step off my high horse, what’s with Randy and Simon always showing up together? I think something might be going on there. Yeah, someone had to say it. Randy sucks.
On to todays album. My ipod as well as my cd collection is littered with Christian music. The interesting thing is listening to the songs now, from the perspective I am currently at in my life. These albums will have a lot to reveal as I go forward. The words are inspiring and as long as there isn’t a direct reference to Jesus one can still find value in the lyrics. I’ve grown a lot in the past few years especially when it comes to my faith. I would say I am of the school of thought where I hope there is a God but am fine being on my own. And if there is a God, he isn’t like the personal all knowing God you have come to know. I am of the belief that if I can see it and feel it and touch it then it’s real. It’s the feeling part where Christians get it wrong. They literally act their way into feeling. I’ve worked at a church for 3 years and I have seen a lot of shit and have never actually felt that thing that makes someone, Nikki, open her eyes up during one of those 10 minute group prayers after the bible study and start screaming “let me see your face!!!” Maybe if “He” actually did show you his face you wouldnt have to be screaming it and crying about it. Christians are so disgruntled all day looking for signs that He is there and then attribute the good things in their day to Him. It doesnt make any sense. Is it so scary to count on yourself? As long as you have friends who love you then you should have all you need. Think of it this way, I have more faith in politicians then I do in God and I don’t think that is such a bad thing. Not anymore.
Perfect Time of Day
Howie Day –2003
I shouldn’t drink tequila. I woke up at 3am and couldn’t go back to sleep. So I decided to finish watching V-The Final Battle and wait for my baby migraine to subside. I tried to stay up and wait for the headache to go away but my body couldn’t take it any longer. I guess it’s not necessarily the tequila that I have a problem with. It was the 5 glasses of champagne I had at brunch followed by shots and vodka and insane mixtures of cocktails. I woke up feeling pretty good physically but was emotionally drained. That’s when I remembered crying last night. Don’t ask me what I was crying about, it was the tequila. Howie Day was perfect for my melancholy drive to work this afternoon. It was just the right balance of inspiration and also of desperation. I don’t know why I ever bought the album. He had some songs on Mtv back in the day and I think one of his songs was featured on the show Summerland on the WB. It’s the one with Jesse McCartney and what’s her face from Full House, Uncle Jesse’s wife. Her name was Rebecca on the show I think. And I am hesistant to call her Lori. Lori Metcalf? That’s her name or perhaps that’s the name of a lesbian from the show Roseanne. Nah, that was Sandra Bernhard and Lori Metcalf was the sister. I don’t recall. What ever happened to Howie Day anyway? He’s only a year older than I am. I haven’t heard anything from the guy in ages. I would say I miss him a little bit but I am too concerned I may start crying.
Ballad for the Lost Romantics
New Found Glory – 2000
Tonight I watched 500 Days of Summer which is why I chose this particular track as the title of this post. I was either going to this album or a Zebrahead album. I don’t even know what drove me to buy it in the first place and I am a bit amazed by the fact that I still remember the lyrics to most of the songs. Anyway, to the album at hand. New Found Glory. I don’t really have that much loyalty to it. I like the songs and they remind me of my days in junior college of course but nothing more. I’ve got nothing here. And it’s not because it’s 12am and I’ve been drinking. Days like these are to be expected. You know, the days where the album art takes up more space than the content.
Actually, come to think of it the record label that this band was signed to has more meaning then the actualy band itself in this case. Drive-thru records also signed bands like Finch and Dashboard Confessional and Something Corporate. Again, I bought this album because I was a poser and also because I was still in love with Chelsea even in 2000. For those of you who haven’t read my previous posts, Chelsea is the girl from freshman year whom I had a massive crush on. There was a time in 2001 when I wanted to see Dashboard in Vegas and she was headed out there as well. Actually there are 2 parts to this story. My buddy Chris, whom I also had a mega crush on was in Vegas at the time and wanted me to come out to hang out with him. He was there with the girl who would later become his wife and I was still doing everything in my power to see that it didn’t happen. So I was into Chelsea in theory and was absolutely obsessed with Chris all at the same time. Those were the days.
Negative Creep
Nirvana – 1989
For real? This was my very first cd and I guarantee it wasn’t a new release when I got it. It was Christmas, though I don’t recall what year. I’m gonna say it was in 1995. When did Cobain die? I think I got this album after the fact because I remember the breaking news story by Kurt Loder on MTV the day he died. My girlfriend, platonic of course, was devastated. I didn’t know who he was. Like I have repeated over and over, I am not the music guy. I love music and I have a slight passion for it but one that is non-traditional. Again, example of Alan being a poser in junior high–I hadn’t heard any of the songs on this album when I got it. I honestly think I had wanted the Unplugged version and was disappointed that I got this one. I was a little poser bitch. LOL. Auntie Harriet bought it for me. She was committed in the past few years but I am proud to report she is living a normal life now in Arizona. I miss that bitch. She was so much fun to play “The Adventures of Link” with. We used to go into the villages and make up our own dialogues with the townfolk. Don’t get me started about the things we came up with for the downthrust manuever. 😉 That was a hot game. I never beat it though. I could only get so far as that damn area with those bastards who threw those plungers from the top of the fence. I always knew Gannon was just around the corner too. Asshole. On another sidenote, I was 7 years old when this cd came out. I think I was listening to Fraggle Rock on cassette tape at that time and maybe ones with the song Awesome God on them. They were left over from my conversion the previous year.
Bleach is a pretty hard listen. Though because I really like the later albums I have learned to appreciate this one in its entirety. You want to know my favorite song on this album? It’s not the typical one and it’s actually recently favorited. Is favorited even a verb yet? It’s come up twice now on my spell check. Anyway, my fave is Downer. It’s the last song on the album. I don’t even know why. It sounds like those youtube videos where the guy goes over the year in review. Actually it’s a news thing that goes over the weeks events if I remember right. I am so not the thorough blogger and I am not going to provide the link because let’s face it, who is even getting this far into the blog? LOL. Sorry, sorry, I shouldnt be so self deprecating. If you want the link I will be glad to provide it. It just means that you will have to be my first comment on this bad boy. What now bitches? That’s all I got, it’s the freakin weekend baby I’m about to have me some fun.
The Freshmen
The Verve Pipe – 1996
“For the life of me, I cannot remember what made us think that we were wise and we’d never compromise, for the life of me I cannot believe we’d ever die for these sins, we were merely freshmen.” Who didn’t know all the words to that song back in 1996? I’d listen to this song back in the day and think about Chelsea. Again, WTF!!? First of all this song is about abortion. I guess maybe there are elements of the song that made me think of her. It’s kind of like that song that goes “I want to stand with you on a mountain, I want to bathe with you in the sea, I want to lay like this forever, until this guy goes down on me.” What a great song. That was my song for a girl named Sarah. Her brother was cute. Totally cute. Geez. We took this really embarassing picture at Sadie Hawkins in these lame surf tee shirts and it looks like I don’t have an arm. This was back in the day when my acne made me embarassed to take pictures and so my eyes always watered when I was about the get one taken. Talk about adding insult to injury.
So yeah. I can honestly say that until today I had never heard any other song on this album besides The Freshmen and Photograph. I wasn’t missing all that much. It’s almost as bad as when I bought the Nada Surf album, yeah they actually had more songs besides Popular. And actually, OMG, I totally remember watching Simon Rex again in the morning hoping for that song to come on. OMG. There was a towel scene in the end where they had to fuzz out the guy’s junk in the shower. Geez, kids these days have it soooo easy when it comes to sneakin peeks at good d. Photograph is a good song. It’s the one that goes “If you want beautiful, beautiful, have me in a picture.” That may be loosely paraphrased. Penny is Poison is also worth taking a listen.
I think part of the reason why this song had so much meaning for me is because it came out my freshmen year. It’s probably for the same reason why every graduating class of 1999 had their class song by Prince. Duh, I wonder why.
So Yesterday
I never watched Lizzie Mcguire when it was on Disney Channel but for some reason I wanted to see the movie. What’s with that? Maybe it’s for the same reason I saw Sex and the City in the theater without ever watching a complete episode all the way through. That really says something about a show when word of mouth and pop culture popularity is enough to stir someone who has never even seen the show to go out and see it. That’s iconic. So I was never really a Hilary Duff fan back in the day. I totally watched Even Stevens though. I am a sucker for marathons and it seems like that show as well as Phil of the Future was always having a Saturday marathon. That Phil was too cute. And yes I can say that because he has been 18+ the entire time the show has been on. 😉 So when Hilary’s cd came out I was hooked for whatever reason. Call me a woman but all the songs are amazing. They’re all women empowermentish. But luckily for me the women’s rights movement and gay rights are one and the same. Lol. Whoa someone is probably insulted. Fuck it. Remember that movie A Cinderella Story? It was made in 2004. I think Hilary was born in 1987. You do the math. Ok I will do it. I think that made her 16. If only she was a year older. For some reason I see a huge difference between being 16 and being 17. So yeah, she was filming with that guy from One Tree Hill. That show must have a very powerful fan at the CW because WTF is it still doing on the air?!! So that guy from the show, Chad Michael Murray, the one who married his costar and then divorced her but still worked with her on the show and even had a romantic storyline only to meet another girl on the set and get married to her, yeah him. Anyway, Chad must have been in his mid twenties at the time and had to make out with a little girl. I know, I know, I’ve seen fisting videos and I am taken aback by the thought of a teenager making out with a grown up. Though I would totally have made out with that guy even at 10 I’m sure. By that I meant when I was 10 I would have made out with him, not the other way around. LOL. Yum. I am a total gay for liking this album, that goes without typing. And what the heck happened to Ms. Hilary Duff? Remember when she went all Heidi Montag and got her teeth done and looked like a horse? Ick. You like that reverse reference there? I almost impressed myself. Thank God homegirl finally got those bad boys shaved down. It was appalling but this album totally tastes like bubblegum.
One Step Closer
Linkin Park – 2000
I’ve been in one car accident in my life and it happened while listening to this album. It wasn’t my fault. Trust me, I am the guy who as of a few weeks ago had never been pulled over by a policeman. And this recent instance was because my license plate light was out and I didn’t have a front license plate. My car only came with one plate. Honest. So the cop takes only my license and comes back and says I ‘m free to go. Thank you white skin. Anyway, being pulled over makes me nervous now because it feels like I have broken the seal or something and I am going to get pulled over all the time now. Good thing I don’t believe in jinxing. So anyway, Linkin Park is playing in my 92 Toyota Camry while I was on my way to give my resignation at the district office of the school I had been working at for a year. I unofficially quite over the phone because I wanted to go on a trip to Mexico with my church. My intentions were not noble. I had just come back from an overseas trip to China a few months prior and I had fallen in lust with a boy on the trip. Sadly, he had fallen for a girl on the trip and it was my mission to sabotage their relationship. What!!?? I was nervous that without my presence they would surely incubate a romantic relationship and all my hopes for my future with this boy would be lost. It’s filthy I know. I used to be very devious. So Linkin Park is playing in the background as I am a few miles from the district office when 82 year-old Doris attempts to make a u-turn at a side street and pulls out right in front of my car. I don’t even know if I hit her but I crashed through a planter in an attempt to avoid her. It all happened so fast. So little Doris pulls over and grabs her oxygen tank and hobbles over to me to find out what happened. Linkin Park wasn’t playing anymore and I advised granny that she almost killed me. What a mess. Naturally I was just given a “get out of jail free card” and immediately called the district office to rescind my resignation and to advise that I wouldn’t be back to work for a few weeks. What a miracle. Could you say that it was God orchestrating the event? I sure as heck hope so because if that’s the case he has my best interest in mind when it comes to my pursuit of good dick. Don’t get me started with the God thing. He does work in mysterious ways. Though all I got out of that trip was some baby biceps and an amazing bandana tan.
God Of Wine
Third Eye Blind – 1997
When this album came out I was a freshman in high school and I had a huge crush on this girl Chelsea. She was totally adorable and kind of bitchy but in a good way. One time after we had graduated from high school we met up for lunch though I don’t recall what we ate which is weird and leads me to believe we didn’t actually do lunch because of course I am all about details. This is a really embarrassing story actually and it involves the song “Motorcycle Drive By.” After hanging out for most of the day I was driving her back to her house and I decided to put my feelings out there and play that song. First of all what was I thinking? I think this song is actually about drugs. Lol. And also, WTF was I thinking? I really did have a crush on her. I had it since 9th grade. And just because I can have crushes on girls does not prove or disprove my sexuality. I don’t like to be tied down by labels. I really don’t. Before I broke free of the bondage that was my guilty Christian roots I was tormented and fantasized about how it would be if only I was into girls. Funny how my fantasies about the opposite sex consisted of the dating aspect and not at all the sex part. ick. Anyway, Chelsea was one of the girls, had I been born straight, who I’d have been desperate to date. Heck, I was gay and I was desperate to know her and be close to her.
This band and this album resonates with high school nostalgia. Perhaps it’s because of the song that was in the movie “Can’t Hardly Wait.” I own the soundtrack and will review it at some point. But for the sake of this post I watched that movie every single day on loop during my Senior year. I nearly didn’t graduate and so that song had very special meaning. “Can I graduate?” That was the question of my senior year, along with “when will my acne clear up?”And so you know it cleared up for Winter Formal. Thanks Accutane. So yeah, there is quite the sinister story about how I manipulated my way out of high school and it involves me, a staged cancer scare and a lot of help from my God-mom, rest her soul. Stay tuned.
CASELOGIC.al 